Headlines You Won’t See…Clemens’ press conference

RUSTY Alliby?

Clemens Shining Star Getting RUSTY

PROS and CONgress

CON-gress…Will Rocket Tell Truth on Capitol Hill?

TRUTH or Cosequences

To Tell The TRUTH

RAGGEDY ANDY? ..Does Clemens think pal Pettitte will break down soon?

Yes, You’re Allowed To Drink Water

Brian’s Song

Biggest Pain In Butt? – McNamee, Media, or B-12 shots?

Roger In For Rocket Road Ahead

Did He Take It in the ASS-tros?

Look at Clemens Career: B-12 and After

HALL PASS? – When Dust Settles, Will Rocket Still Make It To Cooperstown?

Is Roger Being Fenway Frank With Us?

SIGH Young… Roger Visibly Perturbed By Media’s Questions

MAC The Knife… Will Brian’s Testimony Permanently Damage Rocket’s Rep?

Roger Still Has MOUND of Explaining To Do

42 Responses

  1. It’s now 1:50 pm in San Francisco, and it’s 64 degrees.

    My favorite is “FROM ATL TO ATM…VICK NOT THE CASH MACHINE HE ONCE WAS”

    Erik

  2. Money in the Burbank, Vicky what you drank? (or smoked)

  3. Indians vs. Rockies World Series? Fox Execs Slit Wrists

  4. Darn Sox! Sox create hole for Boston with no World Series.

  5. Indians lead BoSox 3-1 behind good pitching, wedge

  6. INDIANS TURN ALCS INTO LAUNDRY SERIES

    Maybe its the spin cycle, but I’d check the dryer. A new pair of Red Sox go missing every game!

  7. Great work, all! Made me laugh heartily!

    Dan, how about adding the non-sports headlines that grab your attention, along with a link to the story on-line?

  8. “Josh to become official Beckett spokesman”

    he’s gotta get those sponsorships yall.

  9. Good lord is Eric Wedge a moron or what? His pitching decision in this series have lacked tottal sanity.

    wittybanter.wordpress.com

  10. “PATS GET FATTER OFF THE CUPCAKES!”

    It is and always will be sexier to blow teams out than to just win. The lesser your opponent, the easier it is to do.

  11. These headlines are genius.

  12. Bonds suffers from Aster-ROIDS . . . Barry goes from Major League to Minor Planet

  13. This is rapidly becoming my favorite part of your site, Daniel Theodore…

  14. Theo, I have to echo Janice Young, I blurted out with laughter at several of these bad boys…give the dude that came up with these a considerable raise ’cause he’s going above and beyond!

  15. “BURY-D!!”

    “-Stephon Bring Down The House On Isiah, Knicks-“

  16. Could you please give the proper kudos to the author of these witty and hilarious bon mots?

  17. Mike CELLebrates with a VICKtory parade to the big house.

    Michael Vick DOGGED by sense of responsibility, decides not to FIGHT.

  18. Brad T. – you rock! LOL!

  19. I would bet that Ron Mexico, ur, Mike Vick would still be in the dogfighting game if he had not been caught by law enforcement. He didn’t quit for any other reason. Between Mike and Marcus Vick you might get 100 IQ points. So the most media hyped NFL player in many years, Mike Vick, is now in prison. Not too smart, Mike. I hope it was all worth it.

  20. Hulk Hogan headlines: pure gold.

  21. Wife (flexing) to Hulk:
    “Watcha gonna do when these divorce papers come for you!”

  22. Hogan Knows Nothing
    Learns of divorce from media

  23. Those were two good ones Richy Rich!

  24. Outstanding Hogan headlines, Mr. Leick!

  25. Please tell me how NFL Network allowed the Gumbel-Collinsworth tandem in the broadcast booth on such a big game? This was easily the worst-called game I can remember in an NFL game or even a nationally-televised college game (I”ve seen some regional college coverage that was worse). In the first quarter alone, Gumbel referred to the Cowboys as “the Packers” no less than six times by my count. Then it was “Marion Jones” and “Rick Romo” and “Julius Barber”. He was consistently two to four yards off on his ball spotting and he flat out missed the Packers’ flea flicker play, thinking Favre did a simple drop back. Gumbel has no business broadcasting football. Collinsworth is on TV too much. How many jobs does that guy need? He must have lots of debt to pay for.

  26. Packers fall as Gumble stumbles. NFL Network seeks trade!

  27. Romo to Simpson
    “Eat my shorts.”

  28. Spears finds out “Romey don’t play that”

  29. Dukes of Hazard Star Finally Wins Her Tony.

    Simpson likes her salsa made with Romo tomatoes

  30. Quote the Raven
    4 More Downs

  31. Andruw Jones? $18m per year? Horrible. Just horrible. Great reward for a fat guy that hit .222 and had a OBP of .311. Horrible. Okay, I am going to say it. I can do a better job as a GM than 90% of the guys in pro sports today. No doubt in my mind. I see more terrible drafts, crazy free agent signings, poor trades and lousy contracts by most GMs.

  32. “Indy ‘Don’t-Call-Them-The-Colts’ Clips Wings of Hapless Baltimore Birds”

  33. Commissioner to Stare Roids in the Face.

    MLB Takes One in the Butt.

    Mitchell Report Shoots Up Holes in MLB.

  34. Brad T. – you rock! Genius. Hilarious.

  35. Nothing mentioned about the Rangers’ Steroid problems (Gonzalez, Pudge, Sierra, etc.). The politically polished Mitchell was smart enough not to implicate th White House.

  36. Dan, love the blog. Is anyone going to step up and investigate the role of agents/attorney’s in this fraud?

  37. MOW-TOWN!

    Pistons Mow Down The Clover as Boston Falls

  38. http://dynamic.si.cnn.com/si_online/covers/issues/2001/0305.html

  39. Dateline: NYPOST.com

    Then there’s Salisbury, who holds the No. 3 spot on Leitch’s list of “Ten Most Loathsome ESPN Personalities.” He writes, “This blustery, mentally deformed NFL analyst reportedly took a picture of his penis and sent it out to female colleagues encouraging them to meet ‘Lil Sean.’ ” After the incident, Salisbury “was suspended by the network” for one week but “has never publicly denied the incident.”

  40. Just for fun, I like to look back and see what the so-called NFL draft experts said about players. This is a funny one.

    Tony Romo
    QB | (6-2, 230, 5.0) | EASTERN ILLINOIS
    By Pro Football Weekly

    Notes: Started once as a redshirt freshman and has been the top gun since. Finished second in NCAA Division I-AA passing efficiency in 2000, was first in ’01 and eighth last fall. Completed 24-of-49 attempts for 396 yards with three touchdowns and two interceptions in 1999; 164-278-2,583-27-12 in 2000; 138-207-2,068-21-6 in ’01; and 258-407-3,165-34-16 in ’02. Ohio Valley Conference Offensive Player of the Year in 2000, ’01 and ’02. Won the Walter Payton Award at the best player in Division I-AA. Is also a fine golfer and basketball player.

    Positives: All-around athlete with very good coordination and timing. Durable, productive quarterback who really has improved his work ethic and become a student of the game. Has a quick release, makes good decisions and is accurate up to 20 yards. Shows some leadership and looks the part.

    Negatives: Lacks top arm strength and foot speed and really is helped by playing on a team that often dominates. A little slow to set up. Does not pick up his second and third option as quickly as teams would like. Might think he is better than his talent indicates.

    Summary: Lack of arm strength is a concern.

    * Player biographies are provided by Pro Football Weekly.

  41. Did anybody give a thought to the possibility that Bonds, Clemens and A-Roid were out to bury the records, not just break them? It seems to be as likely as ESPN and Fox praying for a Yankees-Dodgers World Series.

  42. I really liked your blog with the Brett Favre item. I think Favre will be an instant hall-of-famer.
    I try to follow as much NFL news as I can from Sao Paulo, Brazil.

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